Blondie Girl

I hope you’re as excited as I am about Blondie Girl Productions bringing show biz to Clare. That’s the production company that’s got the City convinced that people will watch a reality show about Cops and Donuts. They plan to run it on the Food Network for “13 episodes per year for up to 5 years.” Except for the show where the guy eats worms and the other show where another guy eats ten pound hamburgers there just isn’t much in the way of drama on the Food Channel. Don’t be looking for Masterpiece Theater with frosting.

I hope everything works out as planned. Making a reality show about small town cops and their bakery that people will watch is going to be a trick. Even on the Food Network. Since we’ve only gone as far as talking about it there’s still a ways to go before we start seeing our Boys in Blue on the red carpet out in Hollywood.

Naturally, when I saw that Blondie Girl was involved I Googled it to see just who they are. It seems that Blondie Girl Productions is the production company of a 26 year old Disney star named Ashley Tisdale. After skipping over Ashley Tisdale “hot,” “nose job,” “scandal,” and “bikini,” I found out that Ashley is a “multitalented artist with unique insight into young demographics.” Who could possibly be more suited to making a reality show about Clare? “Young demographics?” Wait til those Disney kids see the madcap adventures of Clare’s Finest as they fight crime on McEwen Street! We may be talking Grammys  here.

Reality shows are hot TV items right now. There are three swamp shows, lumberjacks, rattlesnake catchers, gold miners, gold dredgers,  crab boats, and shrimpers. Part of the charm of these shows is that their stars all seem to lack teeth, have minor criminal records, and use language that causes the sound track to be punctuated with hundreds of “bleeps.” You wonder whether Clare Policemen will be able to master these acting challenges.

My favorite reality show guy is Shelby Stanga. He’s the Louisiana Cajun  who drags logs out of rivers and sells them. Last week Shelby grabbed a venomous Cottonmouth and bit its head off.

What a show stopper! Just what do we have to top that? Officer Al White biting the head off a chocolate long john? I think not. No, they’re going to have to squeeze some more drama out of pastries and patrolling the dangerous streets of Clare if they’re going to make a TV show. But that’s what the multitalented Ashley Tisdale is for. With her insight into “young demographics” I’m sure she’ll come up with something that will have Foodies talking about us.

Now reality shows have some necessary characteristics. There have to be angry confrontations with someone stalking off the job [Ax Men and Gold Fever], danger [Ax Men with falling logs, crab boys being hit with waves] and the danger of financial ruin if something isn’t done quickly. Each week the gold miners machines break down and they fret that if they don’t get mining they’ll go broke. The Ax Men are constantly repairing their Yarder and Skylines. The crab guys are wet, cold, and get empty crab pots. The alligator catchers shout and grunt frantically in some strange Louisiana swamp dialect. You have to turn humdrum unskilled labor into drama or it’s just….unskilled labor. How can we get that kind of drama into a bakery? “Look out! The coffee pots tipping over!” “ If we don’t sell at least 5 dozen of these bismarks, we’ll be out of business!” “I won’t work in a **** place that can’t make ***salt rising bread!”  I don’t know. Maybe Ashley can find some drama there that’s escaping me, but it’s tough for a bakery and crime stopping in a town of 3900 people to compete with snake biters and Alaska gold mines.

So Clare now plunges into the fast paced, glittery world of Hollywood and Showbiz. Who would ever have guessed it would be our Police Department and bakery that would have launched this rocket to the stars. I wish them all the best of luck and, like you, I can’t wait til the first show. If this flies, can The Real Housewives of Clare County be far behind?

6 Responses to Blondie Girl

  1. bunnym

    March 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    You gotta be kidding me.. I suggest you clean your closets out Clare if you really want to go on the air. I’m sure Blondie Girl would like to know what kind of Cops and Donuts you really have patrolling and rolling through the streets of Clare. You have unfinished business and no business promoting a town safe from those they want to ride around with.
    Billy’s Sister

  2. drsuess

    March 7, 2012 at 6:38 am

    I think it’s GREAT that the show is coming to Clare. Maybe two of the officers can use some of whatever they make from the show to pay for their lawyers because of a FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT!! You just can’t let anything good be said about the guys that protect and serve, can you? These guys put their lives on the line every single day they put on their uniform to protect the citizens of Clare and Clare county. Court will be soon bunny, and then all this will be laid to rest when the verdict is handed down telling you, and all the other rumormongers, that the officers did their job in accordance with the law.

  3. bunnym

    March 9, 2012 at 5:29 am

    drsuess, you know who I am yet you hide behind a fictional character as fictitious as anything that you have mentioned. If you find the brutal murder of my handicap brother a “frivolous lawsuit” than you live in the same fantasy land that your name infers. You feel so strongly compelled to speak out regarding a matter that is none of your business,(or is it), then that would make you a coward too for hiding behind your name. How dare you make remarks referring to those two “cowards” that gunned down an innocent man with one eye at his own home and you think they were doing there job??? You think they’ve been putting their lives on the line… where in your Mayberry of a town?? Guns kill and it doesn’t matter who’s at the end of one and it doesn’t matter who they are. When you kill an innocent man it’s murder. I stand by what it is… a murderer is a murderer no matter what way you look at it. FYI they were not doing their job by accordance with the law…. unless they wrote their own laws that night. I find it disgusting that Clare would even consider selling themselves as a cop friendly town, cause we both know there are more skeletons in their closets then my innocent brothers brutal murder.

  4. drsuess

    March 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    I have to clear something up that has been bothering me from the very first post you left on this website. The word is handicapped, not handicap. Sorry, that’s been bugging me for some time. Anyway, as far as what the officers did that night, it really doesn’t matter what your think, what I think, or what the cat in the hat thinks. The issue will be decided in a court of law and that will end it. You can keep using public forums to whine and cry about an event that occurred, or you can suck it up and wait for trial. I am curious about something, if you were in Clare and being attacked or in an accident, who are you going to call? You are going to call the police, and they will come and do their jobs and assist you. All your berating and belittling of the officers is pure crap. Grow up, move on, and let the courts decide.

  5. bunnym

    March 9, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    The only one talking smack is you drsuess. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS unless this is your business and then don’t you have a job to do protecting Mayberry. FYI handicap is the proper “noun” when describing my brother, handicapped is a verb, not proper English when describing someone with a disability. Again you don’t know what your talking about.
    If I was in Clare I’d call Ghost Busters before I’d call what’s patrolling the streets there….. get real…lol.
    Your the one berating and belittling a horrific crime so you grow up and get over yourself. Move on and stick your nose in someone else’s business if that’s all you have to do. Unless your a relative or a murderer this is NONE of your concern… plain and simple.

  6. Sal

    March 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Drsuess,
    You’re a funny guy. Yes, you are clown and you are here to amuse everyone. You make fun of my sister for the use of the word handicap and then go on to make your own mistakes “it really doesn’t matter what your think, what I think, or what the cat in the hat thinks.” what YOUR think?
    What a buffoon, you are. I realize you are only trying to get her goat, but you should really arm yourself better if you are going to have a battle of wits with someone.