Global warming?

January 9, 2014

Welcome to global warming. I don’t know where they got a crazy idea about global warming but I do know that Vice President Al Gore made a bunch of money touting the fact that our climate was warming up. He even said that by 2014 the ice caps at South Antarctica would be melted but he sure was fooled. Just ask the group of Global Warming advocates that were stuck in the Antarctic.

All across our nation we have seen a deep freeze penetrate even as far south as Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Texas. This morning the wind chill was a -40° in many parts of the state of Michigan. I think the situation calls for me to begin to proclaim, that we are not in global warming, but in fact we are at the edge of the next ice age.  Maybe if I get in touch with all the right people, and say aloud enough, they’ll give me $1 million.

Construction industry will boom with citizens digging deep holes to build houses underground. Even manufacturers will reward me because of increased sales of snowmobiles, sleds, skis, and snowplows. As anyone knows I certainly can use $1 million to prepare myself and my family for the upcoming deep-freeze. , and everybody is going around stockpiling all the food and water and blankets

I woke up this morning to find that my water had frozen part of my lines. I’m still waiting for them to thaw out. Given the fact that I have observed some of my neighbors, building igloos and stockpiling huge piles of wood, and everybody is going around stockpiling all the food and water and blankets they can find.

I came to the conclusion that maybe this cold snap isn’t done yet. I know that I have recently been on a hunt for long thermal underwear. Seeing that I’m a king-size man they’re not very easy to find. I’ve checked out Walmart and Kmart and other places but all they have is for miniature people. I do have a couple of sets of old ones. The best I’ve been able to do is to wrap up in my wool robe at night and then cover myself with a blanket to be warm.  We managed to keep our thermostat at a comfortable level, but somehow the cold seems to creep in around the doors and windows, and even though the heat is higher than it normally is we still feel the chill seeping into our bones.

I do know that my instinct is to hibernate inside my little home and not go out until the temperature reaches a balmy 40°. But I guess that’s not to be the case because my spouse desires to go out daily to check out what the world looks like all around us and it is kind of difficult to just set inside the house and stare at the four walls.

Given the record over the last hundred years, there has been a rise in birth rates across our country attributed to cold weather. If that is the case then we can expect to see a bunch of new babies around October of 2014. We certainly don’t need to see a population explosion.

Maybe we can ask Al Gore to pay for it out of the million dollars he got for, saying we were going to have global warming.

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