Important memos

October 11, 2012

OK, all you mom’s out there….for your shopping list, “bread, milk, eggs, acrylic acid….” that’s right. Don’t forget the acrylic acid.

It turns out that’s the main ingredient in disposable diapers! It also happens that most of the worlds supply is made by the Nippon Shokubai Company inJapan. 460,000 tons to be exact.

And it also happens that they had a big explosion last month and there is going to be a world wide shortage of disposable diapers!

So be forewarned, and stock up now. Or buy some cloth diapers. Ask your grandmother what using them is like!


Bad news in the Ryder Cup. That’s a golf competition. Team USAblew an insurmountable lead and lost to the Europeteam. Every golf fan in the country was shocked, except the ones who are also Lions fans. We expect it. The Free Press said our golfers “choked back tears” at the loss. Maybe “choked” was a poor choice of words. Oh well, they have the solace of knowing that the average male pro golfer makes $973,495 a year.


Also in sports,Germanyis reeling under a handball scandal. That’s right, handball players from the German Gold Medal team have been betting on themselves in matches! The world was shocked to find out that anyone still played handball and even more shocked to discover you could bet on it! We can only hope the handball contagion doesn’t spread to theUS!


The World Tennis Association is about to ban the practice of loud

“grunting” by tennis players when they hit the ball. It turns out that Maria Sharapova, a player notorious for her loud yell when serving has been measured at 101 decibels! That’s the same as a chainsaw! Former tennis great Martina Navratilova says the noise

is meant to “distract their opponents” and wants to see it ended.

The American Civil Liberties Union of course has pointed out that yelling or grunting is “speech” within the meaning of the First Amendment and thus constitutionally protected.


A law enforcement note: Grand Rapidspolice are investigating the arson of two outdoor toilets that were found burned to “lumps of plastic” October 1st in downtownGrand Rapids. No motive has been determined and they have no suspects. Anyone having information that might lead to the apprehension of the perpetrators is asked to contact the Portable Toilet Strike Force.


Calling all Tankers! My old Army outfit, the First Battalion, 33d Armor is having it’s annual reunion in Gatlinburg, Tennesseethis year. If you ever served in the 1st of the 33d, no matter what the years, go online and type in 1/33 Armor. Our group has gotten pretty big, and you can connect with guys you knew years ago when you were young, thin, and could still jump up on an M60.

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