Out on a ledge without a way to get in

May 16, 2014

MikeThis was the week I was going to tell readers about the evils of our health care system. I had come in to work a couple of hours early to research the topic, when lo and behold, my office was locked and of course, I had no key to get in.

Now I never lock my office because I fear the exact  problem I was now facing. I never lock my house and I never lock my cars, so it didn’t make sense to lock my office. Last night when I left, however, I remembered the IT guy was coming to work on a computer and copier that were giving us problems. I didn’t want him rifling through proprietary information I might have in my office, so I locked it and took the key. So I thought I took the key.

Come to find out I hadn’t taken the key.  To add insult to injury the IT guy never showed up either. So here I was at 6:20 a.m. without a key to get into my office. I pulled out a Sam’s Club ID card. I figured I never use this card because I always shop locally. I stuck it in the door jam, wriggled it around until it was scratched, bent and broken in to two pieces. I pulled out another useless credit card with the same results. Darn, the old college credit card trick did not work in these newer doors.

Next I remembered I had left my window unlatched. I figured I could possibly open the window from the adjoining office, drop down three feet to a razor thin ledge and make my way over to the unlatched window. Spiderman I might think I am in my dreams, but in reality I’m an average middle-aged man.

So I slip sideways through the window. I’m thinking, hmm that three-foot drop to the ledge is kind of interesting. I get both feet on the ledge hanging on to the edge of the window for my dear life. I don’t dare look down – it’s at least fifteen feet to the concrete sidewalk. I start inching my way to my office window and then start shaking uncontrollably. It finally clicked in my mind, this is not going to work.

All the while, I’m thinking those that are driving by (we are on Clare’s main street) must think someone is attempting suicide. I’m waiting to hear sirens. Someone surely would call the police. I best abort this effort and return to safety.

So I did. There was a slight problem getting there, however. I didn’t take into account, that it’s a whole lot easier dropping down three feet than pulling myself up three feet, particularly when there was very little to hang on to. Now I was shaking, and about to cry. How was I going to do this without slipping and falling to my death, or at least to several broken bones?

By the grace of God, and I was praying incessantly, I managed. I carefully lifted my body up, clinging nervously on to the window latch, bumping my head against concrete and glass as I crawled through the wafer thin window.  I made it back to safety.

After scolding myself for the act of stupidity, it was now 7 a.m., and I thought possibly I could reach our landlord and he would certainly have an extra key. I called he answered and promised to look and call right back. He called back and said “I have good news and I have bad news, what do you want to hear first?

I always say give me the bad. He said he didn’t have a key. He never did tell me the good news. So I hit another dead end.  After a great deal of thought an epiphany came to me. Duh, my inner self asked, why don’t you call a locksmith dummy? So I did just that, and Gilboe’s was here in 30-minutes, picked the lock in five minutes, and whammo, I’m now writing this column.

I’m still shaking like a leaf. My stupidity never ceases to amaze me.

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