Yikes, a snake in the house

July 11, 2019

Mike Wilcox Editor/Publisher

I’ve experienced many critters inside my house- frogs, toads, and lizards in which I’ve had to bare hand at one time or the other and send them scurrying to safety in their outside habitat.

Last week was a different story. I was awakened by a shriek that I had not heard before. I knew my wife was ousted from her dreams by our dogs at 4 a.m. and when I rolled over to see if she was next to me, I quickly discerned the scream came from her in the home’s dining room.

I immediately threw off the covers, grabbed my slippers and went to see the source of the scream. Had my wife fallen on the hard floor? Had one of the dogs had a seizure?

As I approached the dining room I noticed my wife whimpering in a corner. All she could do is point at the floor ten feet from her. There it was, not a gecko, not a tree frog, but a big bad snake slithering across the floor. We had a snake in the house!

Being the hero that I am (ha ha), I grabbed the nearby broom and approached the unwanted critter. Thankfully the outside door was only ten or twelve feet away and I was able to slowly broom the agitated snake out the front door. It wasn’t easy as I pushed it one way, it slithered in the opposite direction. After a few minutes, however, I won and the snake did it’s slithering down the driveway.

As a postscript, I still haven’t figured out what the dogs were doing during this traumatic event. We have three big ones- 2 labs and 1 German Shepard, and they were nowhere to be found when I approached the snake. Some protection they are!

Later I learned my wife had run so hard trying to escape the snake, she hit the kitchen wall full force with her hands, and sprained one of her wrists. It had swollen to twice its size and required a splint to protect it from more damage. She had just experienced her worst nightmare- a snake in the house, and she was paying dearly for it.

As we men do, I tried a variety of tactics to calm her down. And as women are, nothing seemed to work. She got on the phone, dialed a realtor friend, and demanded the house be put up for sale- she later retracted. She demanded that I run to the store and get every brand of snake repellant and moth balls available and spread them liberally around the perimeter the house- I did as I was told.

It’s been a week and there are no signs of a snake. I take that back the same day the snake invaded the house I saw another- about a six foot black snake slowly slithering across our driveway. I have yet to tell her about that.
Every morning I now get up with the dogs before the crack of dawn. It is standard procedure, demanded by my wife, that I turn on the dining room light, the living room light, the kitchen lights and all the lights in the hallway and carefully inspect each room, which I dutifully do. No additional critters have been found to date.

I have declared our home snakeless and sleepless. I have won the battle against the snake invaders but in so doing, have lost the battle for good sleep. Oh well, a home without snakes is more important than a home where the spouse sleeps well- or so that’s what my wife would say.

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