Your new coworker just invited you to a Super Bowl watch party. You don’t have anything going on Sunday. Feb. 3 but you barely know him let alone his group of friends that will be at the party. You clicked that you were attending on Facebook, so now you feel obligated to make an appearance. Now, your main worry is, who can I expect to meet once you’re there? Grab your keys, don’t forget a dish to pass and get ready to meet these five people certain to be at every Super Bowl party.
1. The annoying drunk guy
It’s not even kick-off yet but you can tell that this guy is already one too many Coors Lights deep. He’s loud, he’s opinionated and his breath smells so bad you can taste it. He’s friendly enough (who isn’t at this state), but his words are starting to slur so bad you aren’t sure which Harbaugh brother he thinks he saw at the airport and which one he thinks he saw eating a McRrib at McDonalds. When he starts whispering in your ear so loudly that everyone at the party can hear his thoughts on why the NFL should eliminate penalties it’s time to move to another couch and find someone else to talk to. Or, if you don’t want to be rude, just keep handing him beers until he passes out. Oh, by the way, give the keys to his girlfriend. She’s the one sitting across the room from him, too embarrassed by her significant others’ behavior to say a word to anybody.
2.The know it all
Want to know a pointless trivia factoid about the National Football League or the Super Bowl? Well then you’re talking to the right person. Wonder who the starting lineman were in Super Bowl III? No? Well, too bad he’s going to tell you anyways. Pray that a Super Bowl record isn’t broken, because if it is he is going to tell you all about the previous record and why the old record still holds more merit. Please be warned, sometimes this person doesn’t know as much as they claim. Sometimes they’re just rehashing what they just read on Wikipedia before they came to the party. Think this guy is bad? Wait until you meet number three.
3. The fantasy football freak
It’s one thing to play fantasy football, it’s another thing to be so obsessed with it that you are still talking about it once the Super Bowl rolls around. I don’t want a week-by-week recap of how your team named Snakes on a Reggie Wayne went from last place to first after a marvelous midnight waiver deal. I’m sorry, I just don’t care who you drafted in the first round, second round or any round for that matter. Just be thankful that this person isn’t in your life on Tuesday mornings, when they complain that they lost because David Akers missed another field-goal. I would much rather focus on the actual game that I came here to watch. You know, the one that actually means something?
4.The living in the past guy
He’s not a bad guy really, someone just needs to tell him that Bo Jackson isn’t in the league anymore. He will talk your ear off about how that at age 44, Barry Sanders would still be the best running back in the league and that the Detroit Lions should have never fired Wayne Fontes. Bring up a debate on who the better quarterback is between Joe Montana and Steve Young and he will be your best friend for life. Bring up Drew Brees and Joe Flacco and he’s going to look for someone else to talk to.
5. The girl who knows nothing
Ladies, don’t think I’m letting you off the hook as there will certainly be plenty of women in attendance as well. Some are just there with their boyfriends, some have a genuine love for the game but there will be one that is just totally clueless. She picks her favorite team based on the color of their jerseys. She decides her favorite quarterback by how distinguished his jaw-line is. She comments on how their pants make their butts look at least a dozen times. Don’t let her Mark Sanchez jersey fool you, she knows nothing about the game. The dangerous part here is, you don’t know if she is a knowledgeable fan until it’s too late. If she starts to mention Tony Romo and good quarterbacks in the same sentence it’s time to ditch the conversation faster than the Denver Broncos dumped Tim Tebow.
Super Bowl parties are bound to attract all sorts of people. Now that you know at least five people that are going, who will you be talking to the most?